Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Quick Crappy Review: Lego Set 76072 - Marvel Superheroes Mighty Micros Iron Man vs. Thanos


I bought The Infinity Gauntlet as a complete set from Camden during the earliest days of THE DARK TIMES™ - also known as my Comic Collector Years – and it has been one of my favourite stories since then, it’s an utterly epic tale involving the battle between space Jesus and the man who would literally court death with a battle that comes to involve such power that the human mind and human comic page cannot comprehend it and can only give a rough approximation, it has one of Captain America’s finest moments. So what better way to pay tribute to this than via the medium of dodge’ems?


Saturday, 18 March 2017

A Chocolate Kebab


Romford Market is dying, it’s a fraction of its old size and it’s been my firm belief conspiracy theory that it’s being intentionally killed so it can be replaced with something less troublesome and more trendy, a theory that seems to be being born out with the announcement that they’re planning to develop a third or so of it into a small shopping centre-y thing, trading in a unique selling point and long standing tradition to be like everyone else – how very Romford. So it’s a bit of a surprise to see a new stall and more of a surprise to see someone trying out a new venture, well surprise! This is Charley and this is his Chocolate Kebab Company:


Sunday, 12 March 2017

5 Action Figures Identified!


I have a very wide knowledge of children’s playthings, but if I see a toy – especially an action figure - that I think’s cool I’ll buy it whether I recognise it or not, and that is how you end up with no money and no space despite living in a terrace house. For instance, this tiger:

This art to me. Ok that’s a little exaggeration but not by much, I have no idea where this little bloke came from, he was just on a table amidst various other toys and something about his crudity spoke to me the way antique furniture never does and I wanted him in my house. The thought that he was probably going to end up chewed and thrown away upset me, so now he sits in the box with all my other cheap animals and dinosaurs and has friends and someone who cares about him. Of course I still want to know who made the toy and what line it was released under, that is often harder than it seems (I still haven’t I.D.d Tony up there), even in today’s internet age with forum threads and Facebook pages solely dedicated to identifying toys – they still rely on people who visit them knowing what the fuck your thing is after all. Sometimes though I stumble upon the identity of total stumpers by accident, usually in unrelated Google Images or eBay searches, this post has five action figures(ish) who were I.D.d that way. I’m not saying this is the only place on the web where you can find info on these lines, that would be presumptuous and quite ridiculous (anyway even if it was true it would only be true for about a day before someone posted the info somewhere else), but these have a small enough internet presence that it felt worthwhile doing this. So are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin:   

Atomic Ranger Warriors
1995, Lanard
Of note is that there are 3 ¼ inch versions and one of those was packaged with a water blaster, this is all about 5 inch versions. It’s really weird to see Lanard’s name on a toy that isn’t The Corps and a reminder that just because The Corps has become an accepted brand by us internet dwelling toy nerds it was still a knock-off line from a company that made such things. But it’s also a nice reminder of why the Corps became so accepted and have lasted so long – quality and creativity; the Atomic Ranger Warriors are one of the, if not the, best made vintage Power Rangers knock-offs with thick plastic and a whole heap of joints, these motherfuckers have ball joints, ball joints, on a knock off figure, in 1995! And while most companies were happy to just produce near exact copies of the Power Rangers suits just with enough changes to the chest design and helmet to avoid a lawsuit, Lanard stick with the basic design elements of the Mighty Morphin’ ones enough to confuse parents into buying their wares but go off into their own Lazer Tag meets Rob Liefeld world, these guys could just has easily have fought Darkhawk or been playable in a poor selling NES game as be rip-offs of Jason, Kimberly et all. Some of that may come from Lanard reusing parts (look at my Atomic Ranger, you can clearly see the vest sculpted into his torso) to approximate a Power Ranger but hey, it works, take the praise where you get it Lanard.

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

6 Things I Like About Friday the 13th Part II


You could argue that posting anything pop culture related on the internet is the equivalent of pissing into the ocean but the reason I post so little about film on here is because to me that’s taking a very small wee into the biggest ocean, like Waterworld big, but fuck it I just watched Friday the 13th Parts 2 through 5 (in the wrong order of course) and I want to talk about my second favourite Slasher franchise. Having seen all of the films multiple times I’m quite happy to admit that Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (that’s Part 4, the one with George McFly in it) is unbiased the best film in the series but it’s Part II I watch the most, this post includes six of the many reasons why that is. If you can’t remember which one Part II is – it’s the one where Jason has the bag on his head – if you haven’t seen Part II (or have but won’t remember until I describe it) its set five years after the original movie at the soon-to-open Camp Packanak which is on the same lake as the infamous Camp Crystal Lake (and within walking distance) and follows a bunch of camp councillors who are there training and the two camp councillors training them – Ginny and Paul. It was the first film to feature Jason Vorhees as the main antagonist. Also as a shameful attempt to rip off I-Mockery I’m including little gifs in this article, I’m sure it’ll go well, now are you sitting comfortably? Then the body count continues…

Saturday, 25 February 2017

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Chocolate Biscuits

My mum actually bought me these for Christmas as a bit of a jokey present but I was genuinely delighted – I’m always pleased to find and receive new Ninja Turtles themed snack foods and I know I can get a blog post about them – I’ve been meaning to write this since Boxing Day but I got ill and then suffered from a heavy bout of depression that has taken ages to lift to a level that, if not comfortable is at least a level high of not shittiness high enough so as I can get excited about chocolate covered in pictures of mutant reptiles. Anyway, behold:


A pack of eight, perfect size for lunch boxes and trips to the National History Museum, chocolate biscuits branded for the current Nicktoon incarnation of the TMNT. I probably could have used a shorter sentence there. They’re developed by a Glaswegian firm called Lightbody Ventures who I’d never heard of so I checked out their website, it uses a great deal of bullshit but what I came to understand is that they make spin-off snacks, you know all those biscuits and tarts with the Thortons name on ‘em you see in Sainsbury’s and Tesco, the very things that helped make Thortons feel less elite and has led to a significant drop off in their popularity and the closure of many of their stores? Lightbody Ventures made those, they also work with Hershey, Reece’s, Universal, Nickelodeon and eOne, gawd knows what they’re putting on eOne snacks but whatever.

NECA Donatello is here to model one of the bars (and give you a good idea of how big they are, because I’m not measuring a chocolate bar):


And naked:


If you’ve lived in the UK for longer than, ooh, 20 minutes you’ve probably had a Rocky from Fox’s, the people with the Italian-American Panda who can’t pronounce biscuit because he’s American cos that’s really funny apparently. These are almost identical to the standard Rocky (the one in the red wrapper) right down to those little chocolate ‘ridges’ on top that are supposed to be where the chocolate was poured on or something. If it wasn’t for the fact that Fox’s label doesn’t appear anywhere on the packaging I’d say they were just Rockys redressed but as I can’t prove that, and I can’t see Fox’s leaving their name off of something they made so a pretentious Glaswegian Hershey licensee can have their logo on instead I am at the moment dubbing them ‘very good imitations’. If you haven’t had a Rocky they are damn tasty, a real thick layer of chocolate on a fairly soft bar of digestive biscuit, they have a lightness to them, the biscuit isn’t dense and the chocolate a nice sweetness, especially straight out the ‘fridge that I really like. All of what I’ve just said is also true for these TMNT Choccy Biccies, the chocolate is a little thinner (though not much) and the biscuit a little softer (though that could be because they’ve been sitting in my fridge since Christmas) but if you’ve eaten a Rocky you’ve had the same experience as eating a TMNT Chocolate Biscuit. I have no problem with this, I like Rockys, quite a lot actually, and Rockys always feel like good value for money so these bars have that going for them as well.

But the big selling point of these is obviously that they have pictures of Turtles on them, the packet proudly announces ‘individual character wrappers’ and it wasn’t lying:


There’s only five different designs so each pack has to double up three times, I only got one group shot and one Leonardo, I was going to make a joke about that being ok because Leonardo is no one’s favourite Turtle but this series has really changed that and I know a lot of fans were pleasantly surprised about how, for the first time, Leonardo was as likeable as his brothers. And yes of course I’ve scanned them for you:


It’s all stock art, with Michelangelo’s being the most common (they even use it on the group shot) and Raphael’s seemingly being the least used, at least it’s the one I’ve personally seen the least, which is a shame because it’s a good picture of him, sexy and moody, very Raphael. LightBody Ventures wins points for having each wrapper be the signature colour of each Turtle, as far as I’m concerned there’s never a reason to do anything else with this sort of thing. It’s a little thing but to me it says you at least have at least put a tiny bit of effort into this. And I’ve never quite noticed now disturbing Mikey’s face is in that stock art, he’s gone beyond happy into somewhere between deranged, pilled up and overly fond, I imagine that place is a roundabout with a lone tree and a missing kitten poster on it.


And there you go, TMNT Chocolate Biscuits from LightBody Ventures, who’s name I’ve used so much I’m beginning to worry you’ll think I’ve been paid to advertise them, mind you if I had I probably wouldn’t have accused their site of bullshitting, well it’s less of an accusation, more a stated fact. Anyway, they’re Rockys but that’s ok because Rockys are nice - go eat some. 

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Nine Examples of Crap I Waste My Money On - Roton Edition!



Just a quick stop off at one of my most over-used post types, I sold the Masters of the Universe Classics Roton because it was just too big for the pathetic size of my living quarters and thus I had an eBay spend-up, no doubt buying enough stuff to equal if not overtake the mass of the thing I sold – I’ve never claimed to be sensible. This also coincided with some fruitful Charity Shop and Cheap Shop trips so are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin: